Black Demon Swan

So I was walking through Blockbuster with some friends of mine and I saw one of thee scariest things ever! Apparently I was the last person to see the cover of the movie Black Swan. If I could be perfectly honest with you it freaked the crap out of me. Natalie Portman is the only person on the cover with pale white skin, black stuff around her eyes and freaky red eyes. Some people have a fear of clowns, I discovered that I have a fear of demon dancers...or maybe just all dancers, who knows? To make things worse, I was watching SNL with Jim Carrey and he does a skit about Black Swan and there is a part that he looks exactly the same as Natalie Portman and he screams at the camera. If you haven't seen it go to youtube and put 'black swan jim carrey snl' and, also, do it when it's light out. Needless to say I will never watch Black Swan (not that I was going to anyway).

Now everyone in Canada who reads this will know that there is an election coming up. I strongly encourage you to go out and vote on election day. I wont tell you who to vote for because I don't think thats right but I urge you to look into the different parities and vote for the one whom you believe in. There are online quizzes that you can take to help you determine where each party stands on the different social and economic issues.

Finally, this week could, possibly, kill me. As with all University students, exams are starting up for me and I have two before the end of this week. Now, if you are someone who isn't in university and wants to help out the poor, hungry, students have I got news for you. The 'Feed The Students Funds' has started up Canada wide. This is an offshoot of 'The Feed Michael Fund.' This fund is very simple, all you have to do is make or buy food and give it to university students. If this is too complicated for you, just give the money to the students and they will go out and get the food for themselves. Hunger is a serious problem in universities across Canada and you can make a difference. Help a student in need.

Thanks for reading!

Is It A Car Or A Tank?

This last week and a bit has been a bit crazy so I want to apologize to the three or so people who read my blog.

First of I want to talk about the Honda Element and how much I LOVE this car. Riding in this car is like riding in a tank, it is amazing! A friend of mine owns an Element and he drove myself and a couple of friends to his house over the weekend and I enjoyed every minute of it. The back seats are slightly raised, making it perfect to put a gun on the roof and having the back seat drivers fire it. Imagine, instead of using traditional bulky tanks, our armed forces used Elements to wage tank warfare. Also, it handles bumps really well which makes it perfect for desert warfare. In Michael's Canada Honda Elements would be outfitted to be the tanks of the Canadian Armed Forces. If your interested in it as a normal, non-tank, boring car, it does 20 mpg in the city and 25 mpg on the highway.

Now, today is a special day. Today is the Birthday of a great man, a man who overacted on a regular basis, a man who found a way to get his shirt off every time an opportunity presented itself, a man who wears a toupee and yes, a man who is a proud Canadian. Today is the 80th Birthday of William Shatner. So Happy Birthday William Shatner who would have thought by looking at you you were 80 but please, you may not look 80 but you are still too old to be taking your shirt off every chance you get.

Finally, I realized my dream yesterday. I want to buy a 'Save the Planet' bumper sticker...and put it on the back of a Hummer. This may seem tedious and weird to you but I will have lived a good life if I accomplish this goal.

p.s. I want to throw a shout out to Silas who introduced me to the awesomeness of the Honda Element.

Well, Long Time, No Talk

Wadup Boys and Girls,

Whats new in the world of me? Well, I'm glad you asked

This week I had something amazing happen. I won a coffee at Tim Hortons! I know, the excitement is almost too much to contain. This improves my odds of winning to 1 in 12 (my total being 2 for 24). You see I actually did not buy this coffee, a friend of mine bought it for me which has made me suspicious of the Tim Hortons in res commons (at Carleton University). I think that they are purposely trying to cheat me out of my rightful winnings. Now for those of you who follow my blog will know that my luck at Roll Up The Rim is almost non-existent. For those of you who don't follow my blog, I'm not speaking to you.

I feel that timmies has two different piles of cups. One pile contenting the winnings equally dispersed and one pile for me. They recognize me and they give me a non-winning cup because they know I will be back no matter what. It is one big conspiracy against me but they won't get away with it. I will...write them an angry letter to express my disapproval at their abuse of my loyal service.

And now for something completely different

On the Facebook status' it asks you "Whats on your mind?" and when my Facebook asked me My first response was 'nothing'. 

And Finally,

I would like to throw a shout out to my good friend Clovis who bought me the coffee that I one for the second time on.

I Need To Get Out

I am in an abusive relationship...with Tim Hortons.

There are one and six odds for winning in Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim which explains why I am one for fifteen. I just give and give and give...my money and they do nothing but take! They don't love me. My friends tell me to get out of this relationship and go to McDonald's or, if I'm desperate, Starbucks (I wouldn't actually do that, Starbucks is very expensive and would put me in the poor house faster than my luck with Roll Up The Rim).

I just can't leave Tim though. Sure he abuses me, sure he promises me free stuff yet I never get it, sure the people who work for him can barely speak English but we have had good times together. For example, the time he gave me another doughnut when the one I got wasn't filled with jelly.

Deep down I know he is just using me, all he sees in me is my money but when he gave me that one free coffee he made me feel like the most special person in the world and I forgot about how he is cheating on me by giving bikes, BBQs and cars to other people. Maybe I am hoping too much that this relationship can be salvaged but he has me wrapped around his finger and I can't leave him.

I suppose I still love him and I want to work through this if he does too.

p.s. Want to throw a shout out to everyone who has had little to no luck in Roll Up The Rim

Boots Are For Babies...and People Who Like Dry Feet

So today I came to a startling conclusion, my 'all-season' shoes are in fact not all-season. Instead of spending money on multiple pairs of shoes, I spend money on one pair then the left over cash at McDonalds. So I buy one pair of running shoes that I use during the summer, the fall, the winter and the spring. This has never been too much of a problem for me, sure my feet get cold in winter but I survive. However, this morn (yes I'm brining morn back) my 'all-season' shoes met their limit. From yesterday to early this morn Ottawa had a lot of rain fall which is fine except the fact that the rain collects itself into rather large, rather deep, puddles on my walk to school.

You may say "Mike, just walk around the puddles" but it was not that easy. The sides of the puddles were frozen and slanted down into the puddles (well I say puddles but they were more lakes). Oh yes, i had to show of my skills of balance on that treacherous walk. Now, contrary to popular belief, running shoes are not a good choice for rain and puddles if you like dry feet. To avoid the doom of the water I had to attempt to walk on the slanted ice and trusting that I don't fall into the puddle on my right or the Rideau Canal on my left.

It was going great until there was a girl whom, rather snootily, stormed past me, through the puddles, motoring on as if to say "go buy some rain boots you insufferable imbecile". Now I made it to school with only one wet foot but I am torn with a horrible decision, buy more weather appropriate shoes or stay loyal to the shoes that have got me through so much. This leads into a question I pose to you, Should I buy boots or stay with my all-season runners? Please note that if you suggest I buy new shoes you will be expected to chip in.

Just before I go I want to throw a shout out to Roosters at Carleton U where I am writing this, lets be honest, amazing post and I want to throw another shout out to Amber D who is across from me as I type.

p.s. A&W breakfast is a horrible decision and never, ever, put your body through it, trust me

Top Ten Things That Make Me Smile

I realize my last post was maybe not the most cheerful note, like the ones you have come to expect from me, so I feel, to balance it out, I will write on the top ten things that make me smile because as a man I can never have too many Top Ten lists. Let it begin:

10. Robin Williams

9. The "Where the Hell is Matt" video on YouTube

8. The ending of Toy Story 3

7. Glenn Miller's 'In the Mood'

6. Watching Mats Sundin's 500th career goal

5. Seeing both parents playing with their kids at the park

4. 24/7 sign outside a McDonalds, Tim Hortons or Wendy's

3. Fish and Chips

2. A 3 year old girl with learning development issues, whom I taught, saying my name for the first time and every time after that

1. 1 John 1:9

V-Day +1

So V-Day has come and gone. I feel that everyone who has a blog has posted about V-Day so here is me jumping on the bandwagon. Let me first just get my opinion out in the open, I don't like V-Day. Why? I don't like the constant status updates on Facebook of how great peoples significant others are, I don't like being reminded that I am single and I don't like Justin Beiber (This is more for people who know me and know that I was invited to see the Justin Beiber movie with a bunch of other singles last night...now you know).

Now, I am comfortable being single...most of the time. There are just some days I'm not and V-Day always ends up being one of them. V-Day just ends up being a slap in the face that I'm still single and, if I could be completely honest with you, I don't like being slapped.

So, as a single person, I don't like V-Day but, if I were in a relationship, It wouldn't be that bad. Two reasons: First, contrary to popular belief, I am a romantic and, second, I would save a lot of money on alcohol (you may think that money will transfer over to gifts and balance out but, believe me, I would save money...)

Finally if I were in a relationship I would not broadcast how great, or horrible, my significant other is because I know there are single people out there who aren't cool with their position in life. So please, on V-Day, a day traditionally meant for couples, have a heart for the singles.

My Greener Side

The environment, something I have never really gone out of my way to 'save'. Might be because I'm lazy, might be because I don't think it is that big of an issue, to be honest I don't even know. Having said that i don't like people who do things that 'hurt' the environment while saying they love it.

Anyone at Carleton you will be aware, or should be aware, of the CUSA elections coming up tomorrow and thursday. Now I say 'should be aware' because if you have walked through the tunnels you have seen the A Voice For Students' flyers littering the tunnel. I have two things to say about this. The first being all of those flyers are going to eventually end up in the garbage (which I have been informed is a bad thing) and the second, how many trees died so that these flyers could litter the ground? These things would not normally bother me but a week ago I had a candidate from A Voice For Students come to one of my classes and tell me that there party was going to be very environmentally friendly, hosting green weeks and making the campus a water bottle free zone. You can't chop down a forest for no good reason then implement a green week!

This isn't the first time. During Frosh Week, in my first year, there was a big push to have a water bottle free zone on campus by giving all first year students a reusable water bottle. Great, I got a water bottle that I could use all year but there was a bit of a problem with this. Vitamin Water had become very big on campus and during Frosh Week, at all the events, Vitamin Water was given out with meals and for sale at other times by CUSA. Here's the kicker, Vitamin Water comes in a non-reusable bottle. So CUSA says they will have a bottle free campus but in reality will sell a ridiculous amount of vitamin water in a bottle that will just end up in the garbage or on the ground.

So CUSA have failed to make a water bottle free campus and they have failed at being nice to the trees. But hey, what do I care, I don't really like CUSA anyway so they can do whatever they want with a water bottle free campus with water bottles or a green week with a bunch of dead trees, I'll just do my part for the environment by never taking a flyer from anyone running for a position in CUSA...and here I was thinking I don't care about the environment.

Где в Мире - Москва? (Where in the World is Moscow?)

I have finally figured out why Germany could not defeat Russia in the Second World War. The common idea is that it was Hitler's mistakes but I have had a revelation.

If you go to Google Maps and enter in Berlin as your starting location and Warsaw as your finishing location it will find you the way in not time at all. So the Germans get to Poland and later decide to invade Russia. However if you were to go to Google Maps and try and get from Berlin to Moscow it can't do it. The German's inability to defeat Russia was not because of the strength of the Russians, it was because the Germans couldn't find Moscow!

It's the same with Napoleon. Put in Paris to Berlin, no problem. Paris to Moscow, it can't do it!

Either Moscow is so well hidden that neither Hitler, Napoleon or Google can find it or Moscow just doesn't exist!

I'm Sorry

I would like to apologize to the girl whom I almost kicked in the face in the Uni Centre last week. You have to understand I didn't mean to kick you. I meant to kick the person behind you, you just came out of nowhere. I saw Chris, put my foot up, blinked, you came out of nowhere, I almost took your head off and it ended a lot better then it could have. You have to admit though, I did a really good job of getting my foot down when I saw your eyes widen. I would have apologized there but you ran away before I could so I'm sorry whoever you are.

Now if you think this is a joke it actually isn't. Last week I did almost kick a girl in the face. So remember, if you see a friend of yours that you want to kick in the face, look both ways before you do it.

I Procrastinate and So Can You!

Why don't I check my email before class?

Because I would have nothing to do during class.

Yes thats right, while in class I do not pay attention. Instead I choose to surf the internet. However I have to be strategic about it. I can't just look at all the interesting news articles and all of my emails at the start of class, I will die of boredom before the end of the lecture. Also, I never, ever, check anything on the internet before the lecture starts.

This allows me to maximize my time where I am not paying attention and it makes lectures like 'Comparative Politics of the Geo-Politcal North' bearable. Now, if you are reading this and are wondering how you can structure your lecture like I do, wonder no longer.

What you need to do is go to a news network website, I prefer BBC but you can use whatever works for you, and look at all of the headlines and ration them out for the rest of the class. I will usually look at my first article at this point. I also combine the BBC with sports websites (i.e. TSN, NHL.com, NFL Network, etc.) but this is not for everyone. Now you are free to open up gmail and see if anyone has sent you mail. If you haven't got any read an old one so you can waste time. Now read your second article, check facebook, tune into the lecture to make sure you haven't missed news of a test or a paper and then read article number three. If you have a second email account, check it now. It is very important that you do not skim any of the news articles or emails. You must devote your hole attention to every word so that you can use up the most time.

Also, it is a rare treat that whomever is sitting in front of you is watching a movie on their computer or ipod, take advantage of this. Do not rely on this, however, as your only time wasting method. Be prepared to last o full lecture on the internet alone.

It is possible that you will be too hasty in your procrastination and will run out of things to do. This is a tough one. You can't just reread an article because that is as boring as the lecture you are trying to avoid. So, you have two choices, either you pay attention to the lecture or you facebook stalk your friends or their friends. This has risks however. The biggest one being that everyone around you who looks at your screen, and they all are, will think you are a very big creep but if you are okay with that then go right ahead and stalk your friends girl friend whom you have never meet.

I hope this strategy will revolutionize your lectures the way it has for me. If you are of the opinion that I am paying for my schooling and therefore should pay attention and take effective notes I would love it if you kept you comments to yourself.

p.s. Writing a blog on wasting time is a very good way to waste time :)

p.p.s I want to throw a shout out to Rachel S who is suffering through Comparative Politics with me

Top Ten Most Useful Childhood Lessons

One can never have to many lists of 'Top Tens' or 'Best Of''s so, because i don't know what to blog about, i will give you my Top Ten Most Useful Childhood Lessons. Here we go

10. Don't put a plastic bag over your head or you may die! 

9. You don't need girls

8. When your parents say you are too young to go on the top bunk they are telling the truth 

7. There is always a chance your parents will say yes to more ice cream

6. If your brother says it won't hurt he is lying 

5. If your brother says it will hurt, run! He is not lying!

4. When building a fort, make it only big for you and your grandma, and you must use a chair or couch as the base

3. Using a hockey stick to retrieve a ball that has gone into your mother's favourite bush, that she has been waiting a year to see bloom, is NOT a good idea

2. Imagination is the best toy you will ever have

1. Never eat yellow snow

Have i got a blog for you

If you like sports you should check out Ignorance and Sports written by yours truly. Its just me giving my thoughts on sports. If you don't like sports let me give you some advice, don't read it you will not enjoy it

One Thing

I was talking with a friend of mine who was writing a story for her journalism class. She had interviewed the player/president of the Carleton women's rugby team. This lady had been injured playing club rugby and had to miss one season, and possibly another, as a result. This got me thinking which is rare because i rarely do so.

Most people who know me know that i don't just like rugby, i LOVE it! I love watching it, i love coaching it and i love playing it. However i don't play rugby anymore, not competitively anyway. In high school i both wrestled and played rugby but while wrestling i injured my shoulder. Instead of resting it the appropriate amount of time i decided to keep wrestling. Bad idea, i know. I ended up making the injury worse and it prevented me from playing entire rugby matches. I still played more then i should have because i was an idiot (well, i say 'was' but really i still am).

At this point you may be wondering what i am getting at. It's this, this injury changed my entire life. If i had not been injured wrestling i would have continued to play both high school and club rugby and i would have gone to the University of Windsor with the intent of playing rugby. If i had done this my life would be very different.

Yes i would be playing rugby and i would love that but since i have gone to Carleton my life has been changed. Before i say anymore i need to tell you i am a Christian but before coming to university my faith was dead. I knew all the sunday school answers but the meaning was lost. However at Carleton my faith has been revived. Looking back i know that this would not have happened at Windsor. God wanted me to go to Carleton and it has taken me a while to come to this point but i thank God for my injury and not being able to play rugby. Rugby is fun and all that but when it's all been said and done rugby...doesn't matter! The only thing that matters is God and i needed to get that straight.

One day i hope to play rugby again but it's okay if i don't. If i live my life for God, following all his commands and being a servant to all, and never play another game of rugby i will consider it a good life.

If you have an opinion or comment on what i have said i invite you...to comment, i would honestly love to hear it. Thanks for reading

The Size of a Maple Leaf

Things that are the size of a Maple Leaf:

1. maple leaf cookies
2. some phones
3. the brain of anyone who cheers for the sens, habs or canucks
4. a coaster
5. a Jewish skull cap
6. the circumference of the bowl that has been sitting on my desk for way to long

and

7. the hole left in my heart after Canada's collapse